Afternoons with the Neighbor Children

Paper thin walls, the cost we all pay when living in an apartment. It’s an extra special treat when your neighbors have what sound like a toddler (henceforth referred to as “Child”) and maybe a 10-month-old (henceforth referred to as “Baby”). Luckily, they sleep until about 9:30 AM, but don’t go to sleep until about 10 or 11 PM. During my first two weeks, I drowned their screams, “outdoor voices,” and general destruction of that apartment by blasting Beethoven or Bossa Nova Jazz. Yes, the fact that I put it on within seconds of the crying may seem passive aggressive (I’m from the Midwest, this is how we roll), but me confronting the mother and asking her to keep them quiet is unrealistic and unsympathetic; this is my coping mechanism. And who knows, maybe the children will someday enjoy these styles of music and have no idea why!

For the past week or so, I have been able to tune it out or I listen for the entertainment factor. Here is a sampling of a typical afternoon:

SCENE: We open with me, sitting on the couch, working on my laptop, sipping an afternoon cup of coffee.

*stampeding across the room*

Child: “Gdyaaaaa! — Meh poh! Meh poh!”

*stampeding continues, something is thrown across the room*

Child: “Maaaaamaaaaaaa! — Out-y! — Ah pu suh!”

*throws more things across the room*

Child: “Ekrake!”

Baby: “Waaaaaaaaa!”

Child: “Ghet! Pus-ha-ya! — Ghe! Ghe! Ghet!”

*scheduled crying break from one of the children*

Baby: “Ahh ahhhh!”

*thumping, banging, sounds like a toolbox was tipped over*

Child: “Ge-yep! Ah pu suh!”

Baby: “Euuuuush.”

*silence for about three minutes*

Baby: “Eeeehhh! Pershhhhh! Ah! Eh!” *gurgling noises* “Eh peh eeeeeeee!”

*thumping*

*silence for about five minutes*

*Mom comes in room and opens/closes drawers*

*stampede, round two*

*someone bashing pipes? WTF?*

Baby or Child?: “Eeeeeyah!”

*toilet flushes*

*proud stomping across the floor*

Child: “Mehm!”

*Mom attempts to corral the kids*

Baby: “Eh-ah-eh!” while waiting by the door

*running resumes*

Baby: “Ehh ah ehhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

Child: shrill scream

*bangs into something*

Child: shrill scream-speak again “Ah ah EHHHHH! Beh me atide! Beh me atide!”

*door closes*

Child: “Yeh eh!” *banging, jumping* “EhhhhhaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” *incoherent grunting* “Eh pah!”

*Mom tries to soothe the shrill beast*

Child: “Pejahhhh! Me te pa!” screams.

*chair slides across the floor, stampede returns*

Child: “Eh yuuuuu. Ugh! Bit-ch-me sun. Yeah woon. Sat! Ah puuuuu!”

*Several minutes pass, water runs in the bathroom as children are bathed (leads to more throwing, more screaming, and more sobbing — really, you’d think they were being murdered by a clown), pointless jump/stomping occurs for three minutes straight, and eventually Mom successfully packs the children and prepares to leave the apartment so they can play in the central atrium where their screaming fills the entire apartment complex*

FIN.

The poor mother must be exhausted. The one remaining question I have is, are the children speaking Kazakh, Russian, another language, or baby-speak? Since I have yet to see any of them, the answer will remain a mystery.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Afternoons with the Neighbor Children

  1. evy says:

    Aah my kids are so cool and composed reading this 🙂 (NOT) If your estimate of their ages is accurate, they most likely don’t speak any language yet but (for sheer foreignness I’m throwing in a link in Dutch 🙂 http://www.hpdetijd.nl/2016-08-23/babygehuil-is-afhankelijk-van-de-taal-die-moeder-spreekt/) baby cries differ depending on the language the mother speaks as early as week 1 of their existence. The researchers think the basis for this is already imprinted in them during the last trimester of pregnancy 🙂

    Like

    • skybluegoldensun says:

      Oooo, interesting! Thanks Evy! I had a feeling it was what I call, “baby-speak,” in other words, lots of noises and sounds, but little meaning yet.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s